Introducing Shiny & Shady: The World’s First Business Managers For Your Unwieldy Piehole!
Imagine an OnlyFans for the Comfortable Cholesterol Class. That’s Shiny & Shady.
One minute Shady O’Leery is mindlessly failing his system by once again mindlessly choking down his free fried chicken sandwich as he mindlessly does every year on National Fried Chicken Sandwich Day. But, the next minute, Shady’s system fails Shady and now he’s flatlining naked on a gurney, prostrate in his own shit, for the same ER audience he’s going to see Tuesday at Trader Joe’s.
But when Shady bombs at the Pearly Gates Improv, God looks at his ledger.
“Thought you’d be funnier. I’m sending you back on a mission mercy to deliver the others from evil of salt, sugar, and industrial saturated fat, with one caveat — no effing with the wine.”
MEET THE AUDITORS
Now, The Late Shady O’Leery and his partner in cholesterol crime, the brilliant Chinese MBA and asset manager, Shiny Fang, run forensic enterprise strategy for your body, encouraging you to audit your intake.1
To understand Shady O'Leery is to recognize a street-smart renegade treating his second-chance life like a high-stakes corporate turnaround. He's the ultimate behavioral auditor, surviving a flatline to enforce a divine mandate: no emotional excuses, just strict corporate governance mapping razor-sharp binary compliance onto your mouth's forensic ledger. (complete bio)
To understand Shiny Fang is to meet the cool, analytical asset manager running forensic risk-minimization on your body's balance sheet. A buttoned-up, elite MBA, Shiny treats every intake as a high-stakes transaction, deploying the unyielding, binary data perimeters of Piehole Pro to transform decision fatigue into optimized compliance. (complete bio)
FROM NO STRATEGY TO A WINNING PIEHOLE-CENTRIC STRATEGY
“Piehole is not a diet. ‘I am on a diet.’ A diet is something you stop. The root word is literally ‘die.’ Piehole tracks your intake and tabulates your intention.”
~The Late Shady O’Leery
A system update is not enough. You need a new operating system and mass-customized human support from your addled peers. It’s a little something we like to call Piehole Pro.
Piehole transforms you from a mindless, gluttonous amateur (Shady’s first life) into a mindful, autonomous pro (Shady’s second life). Now you run your mouth like a business instead of a dumpster. Go to the grocery store wielding newly acquired, elite behavior patterns, buttressed by unyielding, binary decision trees. Deftly defy the thousands of corporate froot loopholes scientifically designed to override common sense and free will, while simultaneously stripping your arteries of mission critical assets.
Behind the paywall we run a micro-accountability metabolic governance plan. You are accountable not just for the SUM, but for every CELL on the grid, and trust us, Shady can (and will) tell you stories about cells.
Audit Your Intake via Piehole: Track your data using pure, binary parameters. Acquire Life Points or take Death Points. There is no middle “Less Deadly Column” for your half dozen dollops of lower-fat sour cream.
Litigate the Ledger: You have to stand up before your peers and actively defend your decision to log crispy bacon in the Life Column. Bring your best oral argument because widow makers wilt in the face of Shady’s cross examination!
The Weekly, Peer-Led Roundtables: Radical, naked exposure of your data. The second you let your guard down for a holiday display, the alarm sounds: “OMG! Your Piehole’s been compromised!”
Execute Your Coupe De Grease: Stop ultra-processed muck from running amok in your once pristine bloodstream. Wall Street will hate you for it. That’s how you know you’ve turned pro!
“Subscribe now and let Shiny & Shady help you finish the job your aesthetician started. Get behind this one-of-a-kind, self-defecating, bowel to global movement!”
~The Late Shady O’Leery
Check Out Shady’s Piehole
NUMBERS NUMBERS NUMBERS
Ever notice that your CPA and your PCP use the same language? It’s all about the numbers.
“These numbers look great!” and “These numbers concern me, and they should concern you, too.”
If your numbers are concerning, subscribe for free, then check out Shady’s Piehole—which is perpetually on display for the world to see. Piehole is an operating system for your mouth, which should be run like a business, not a dumpster!
