One minute Shady O’Leery is choking down a freebie on National Fried Chicken Sandwich Day. Next, he’s naked on a gurney, flatlining on the trauma table, shitting himself for the same ER audience he’s going to see at Trader Joe’s.
They bring Mrs. O’Leery back to say goodbye. Julie sees all the equipment. A dozen medical professionals locked in on her husband of 45 years. She kisses Shady gently on the cheek, whispering, “This is going to be like a $10,000 copay.”
Taken out by chicken shrapnel, Shady bombs at the Pearly Gates Improv. God pulls him aside in the green room, looks Shady dead in the eye, “Thought you’d be funnier. I’m sending you back on a mission of mercy to deliver the others from the vagaries of Big Food. One caveat—no effing with the wine!”
“Don’t blame me. Blame God. He’s the one who sends me back. He’s the one who defines the mission. I am just your everyday, back-from-the-dead, deprescribed messenger, with an unassuming Chinese whiz-bang of a co-host, the Chairman of the Heavenly Board on Zoom, and a hyper-carotenemia-addled lagomorphic mascot downsized by Sesame Street.”
~The Late Shady O’Leery, April 21, 1959 to November 9, 2022
CAST
Rose Fletcher, MBA as Shiny Fang, MBA
The Late Mark Whitney as The Late Shady O’Leery
Shadoe Stevens as God
