By The Late Shady O’Leery
Now that Shiny & I have decided to put our Sweet & Sour America on our backs, I’ve been thinking a lot about doctors. I am reading about physician burnout and depression and having to respond to portal messages from post-op idiots like me who get struck down by a widowmaker while eating a free fried chicken sandwich on National Fried Chicken Sandwich Day.
My first doctor was a guy named Dr. Dick. We’re not talking Dick for short. His name is not Richard. Dick is his last name. His first name is John. Dr. John works. Dr. John is cool. Who doesn’t love Dr. John? Here’s an idea. Head down to the playground and introduce yourself as Dr. Dick. Lemme know how that goes for ya’.
The real Dr. Dick has one hand. Well—not exactly. He has two hands. But one of his arms is lame. Not lame like a bad joke. Literally lame. The arm just hangs there and the second hand does nothing. Doesn’t even tell time!
On the other hand—I mean on second thought—how can you not love a guy who stays with Dr. Dick? Imagine the movie poster. “Jim Carrey IS Dr. Dick!” Pet Detective turned pediatrician. There he is. Dangling Dr. Dick, constantly flipping his one bad arm up out of the way, with his one good hand.
There’s an argument to be made that if your doctor can’t solve his own arm, he might not be the doctor for you. But Dr. Dick is the only doctor in our little New England town of 3,500 people. Everybody goes to Dr. Dick.
In those days you could be a one-handed doctor, because you didn’t need to spend 20 hours a week advocating for your patients with insurance companies from a laptop that is ironically attached to an arm that works.
There have been a lot of doctors since Dr. Dick. The same is true for your family. Broken bone doctors. Spinal fusion doctors. Pancreatic cancer doctors. Alzheimer’s doctors. Heart attack doctors. Pregnancy doctors. Delivery doctors. Primary care doctors you ignore when they ask, “What about this gut?”
Think about the doctors in your life and the lives of the people you care about and you will realize that doctors get paid to receive you as you are without judgment. They could have gone to Wall Street or Big Tech.
They chose empathy.
I am absolutely not pro-The System.
But I am fiercely pro-doctor.